Allstar Wars (episode 1)

With the allstar game coming up, teams are trying to use their practice time to the maximum, while remaining silent about it, to prevent any strategy-leak. Yet Minion's Paradise was still able to get the script of the audio conversations that happened during a scrimmage match between the EU allstar team, and the NA allstar team.

The conversations of the NA-team are displayed in red.
The conversations of the EU-team are displayed in blue.

Conversations in Russian are displayed with this font.

Team select

NA has first ban and first pick. NA bans were Kha'Zix, Thresh and Twisted Fate. EU banned Jarvan IV, Diana and Vayne.

SaintVicious: They left Rumble open, we should take it for Dyrus.

Doublelift: No fuck Rumble, take Zed. Alexich is godlike Zed.

SaintVicious: What the fuck, Zed can be countered so easy.

scarra: Actually Lissandra is open we should first pick her...

Xpecial: No, just give me Sona, she's too important.

Doublelift: I see that we managed to import the CLG method of argueing ingame...

SaintVicious: We said that I would be the shotcaller and I say we take Rumble for Dyrus.

Doublelift: Dyrus doesn't even talk...

Dyrus:...

Xpecial: Dyrus?

Dyrus: What?

Xpecial: We want to firstpick Rumble.

Dyrus: Sure, I can play Rumble...

SaintVicious: Great then I take Rumble.

SaintVicious locks in Rumble as first pick.

Dyrus: ...but maybe we should first pick Zed. I think Alexich plays Zed.

scarra: Oh god...

Diamondprox: Wow they left Zac open. Just take it, it's going to be so easy.

yellowpete: Maybe we should pick Caitlyn to prevent Doublelift from having her?

Alexich locks in Zac, and Edward locks in Sona.
After another debate in the NA team, scarra proceeds to pick Lissandra, while Xpecial locks in Janna. It's now EU's turn to pick, with sOAz and yellowpete.

yellowpete: Well I still think we should pick Caitlyn, because they might want to pick her.

sOAz: I sink I will take Renekton, he is good wiz or teamcomp.

Edward: Take Zed for mid, and Kennen for top. They synergize pretty well with Zac.

Diamondprox: Yeah I agree.

Alexich: Yeah ok. sOAz, pick Kennen please. And please take Zed for me, yellowpete.

sOAz: Ok like you want.

yellowpete: Oh...ok...

Doublelift and Dyrus take the last two picks for NA, respectively Kog'Maw and Udyr. 
It's now Diamondprox's turn.

yellowpete: Well, so I guess Caitlyn would be the best pick for me, I feel confident with her and...

Diamondprox instalocks Varus.

Early-game

scarra: Maybe we should invade their red.

Xpecial: I'm gonna ward our wraith and then we can invade their red through top tribush.

scarra: Wait what the hell, why do you have ignite Saint? We...have no smite...

Doublelift: What the fuck...

SaintVicious: Smite is overrated. Just trust me son, smite is useless. I basically just take it to please my teammates usually.

scarra: Well...still, we can't contest their buff now...

Xpecial: Yeah we can't invade now, Dyrus is still at the fountain...

Dyrus: ...

Xpecial: Dyrus?

Dyrus: What?

Xpecial: The game has begun since one minute.

Dyrus: Oh, sorry, didn't notice. 

Xpecial: Well, that's no big deal that you totally messed up here.

Meanwhile, on EU-team

Diamondprox: They will want to invade my red, but they will decide against it, just protect all entrance of my jungle.

Edward: Yeah ok I'll just ward their wraiths.

Alexich: Good idea.

yellowpete: Mmm...so what did you guys say?

Alexich: We said we just protect jungle.

sOAz: Ok so 'ow do we do? Do we switch ze lanes?

yellowpete: It's probably better to switch since we're purple side.

Diamondprox: What did he say?

Alexich: I'm having trouble understanding sOAz with his accent. But yellowpete said we should switch.

Edward: He's just afraid of Doublelift, ahah.

Diamondprox: lol

Alexich: lol

sOAz: lol

yellowpete: Wait, you understood what they said?

sOAz: No but I just want to be nice to zem...

Alexich: Yes, we switch lanes. sOAz go bot, and yellowpete go top ok?

yellowpete: Alright.

No team ends up invading. After only three minutes, the first blood is drawn. It happens botlane, where sOAz and Diamondprox manage to take down Doublelift, benefiting from the fact that he was left alone by Xpecial, who just recalled.

Doublelift: What the fuck they played that so badly. I can't believe I died there...

Xpecial: Oops sorry. I was doing a vlog so I afk-ed for a while. Sorry. I'm sad. I'm pretty sad. But I'll bounce back.

SaintVicious: Imma try and gank mid, scarra can we kill him?

scarra: Wait let me just grab that cs real quick...and that other cs...and that one...wait there's another wave coming, I need to grab those cs real quick. Just go somewhere else. 

SaintVicious: Imma go top help Dyrus defend the tower then. Wait, you're already out of potions Dyrus? There's nothing in your inventory...

Dyrus: Oh damn. I think I forgot to buy at level 1.

SaintVicious: ...

Doublelift: ...

Xpecial: Brb making a vlog about this.

scarra: I would facepalm so hard if I didn't have to grab that cs real quick.

sOAz: Sank you Diamond. Nice gank. Try and come back later we can kill again.

Diamondprox: Did he just insult me?

Alexich: No he just thanked you and asked you to come again.

yellowpete: You're good at multi-tasking. Translating, cs-ing, that's a lot of things to do, good job Alex.

Alexich: Thank you, it's actually harder because I need to bottle feed my son meanwhile. My wife is busy so I have him with me too.

To be continued...